Saturday, May 1, 2010

I took a few days,

to decide how I would respond to this:


It wasn't that the "anonymous" writer inferred that I have too much self pity. It wasn't that they suggested I talk too much, Say too much, Judge too much and have somehow missed really living. It wasn't even the part where I am too forward, too blunt and as a result deserved the lynching I got in response to my comment on facebook.

It was the part where "anonymous" decided that assumption is a terrible thing.

I disagree.

In some cases, assumption can be a terrible thing. I believe that if you assume your next door neighbour has gone missing because her husband murdered her, without any valid reason for such an assumption, then yes, that IS terrible.

But assuming a child may, or may not be in a dangerous situation, based on what you have seen, heard and and experienced yourself? That is not dangerous. That is a little something we so elegantly call "gut instinct". How many times have you been told "if it doesn't feel right, It's probably not.". Or, If it seems to good to be true, it probably is". Or, If you don't feel comfortable in a situation, leave it, immediately," "Don't talk to strangers".

Every one of those statements is based on an assumption. You can't know, that the scary man over there who keeps looking at you with an odd look on his face, will be the one to follow you home and rape you. But you feel awkward, so you leave the situation, with a friend. Instead of walking, you get a cab. You take steps to protect yourself based.on.an.assumption.

I assumed nothing. I didn't assume the child was being abused. I didn't assume that the woman was regularly screaming in the face of her six week old daughter. I stated a simple fact. That I could hear, the lady next door screaming at her kids. Because, shocker! I could! And yes, it upset me to hear her going off her tree, screaming at a new baby, using language that I don't even use directed at that child. Even if Ariana was not meant to be that baby's age, it would upset me.

Apparently, I was not the only person who was worried for those children, because about half an hour later, the police showed up. I didn't call them. I didn't assume that that child was in danger at that particular time. I did however, voice my displeasure at the situation, and voice how incredulous I was that someone who has a child felt that screaming at a baby was justifiable. I'm sorry, It's not. I never said she was not having a bad day. I said she was screaming. Why she was screaming is not pertinent to the fact I was trying to put forward that said "screaming at a baby is unacceptable". Even if you are having the worst day of your life, It is unacceptable. That one person could not see that, that one person felt that screaming at a baby was OK, if you are having a bad day, rattled me.

Children are the most precious beings on this planet. They deserve love, and respect. And who knows, maybe that mother felt bad for yelling. I can't know, I won't presume to know she doesn't. But the point I was making, was that in that second it was wrong. And what pissed me off, was that people, including anonymous, keep saying it was not.

"To Error is a human feature".

Thank you anonymous, for pointing out the obvious, but I would like to point out that it is not an excuse. Would you be horrified if the Paedophile who was being convicted pulled out that line? I would be. I would tell him to take responsibility for his actions, to admit he was wrong, that he hurt someone! Hiding behind such a cliche' is immature. And that's all I'm going to say to address that particular point.

After all of this blew up on facebook, I deleted the person who was so certain that screaming at a baby was OK. I couldn't reconcile that with the person who has a child, and decided that the difference in opinion, was enough for me to terminate the link. Of course, this evidently made her cranky, I believe she saw it as a cop-out of the disagreement, and posted this

"......glad you deleted me coz I was about to do the same to you because frankly you need a more positive attitude...most of your comments are negative!"

To that I say, You are the only one. The only one, as yet who has said to me that most of my comments are negative. I have a single profile status with 30 commenter's saying that they love my status updates, they like to hear whats been happening with our family, how we're dealing with losing Ariana, and how our latest pregnancy is progressing. If you can't handle a little reality in your life, a little bit of something that is not sunshine and rainbows, then I fear for you should something truly terrible (God Forbid), ever happen.

I hope, I don't have to come back to this topic again, although "anonymous" is likely to strike back, as we've seen previously.

Anonymous, If you want to be taken seriously, I recommend leaving a name. (Post as anonymous if you want, write your name somewhere in the comments), otherwise, I'm likely to continue believing you and and this scum are one and the same.


*find my response to the latest anonymous at http://nearlynotquite.com/


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Someone pointed out to me that you made comments in regard to the private message I sent to you, which is why they sent me the link seriously not angry at you deleting me from facebook infact I couldnt care less, simply because I had a different opinion then you, which to me still isnt a bad thing...I dont care if you or anyone judges me, I still think there are times you can yell at your child...just because you "think" your the perfect mother...your not! And I disagree with many things you've said and commented in the past but because I respected those comments I didnt say anything. But this one was different and there is no point in explaining my comments because you would just turn them all into a negative. you are possibly the most negative person ive ever met! And seriously you need to grow up, its not bloody high school its reality people have different opinions and are free to express them! And I am glad the person comment on your page the Anon. one because I totally agree with them!

Anonymous said...

And to just add to it I dont think life it all rainbows and everything great...everyone has dealt with bad things in their life, some unfortunately more then others but there is a time and place to air it and one of those places is like here blogs where people subscribe etc. I never ever wrote anything about your facebook status...it was one merely status and it really clearly proved you do judge people for their opinions but at the end of the day your a nobody so at least I dont have to come back now and read more comments of you "venting" about shit that I wrote!

Catherine Clements said...

Are you the same Anonymous who wrote that awful comment, "You killed her"?

Tamara is not a "nobody". Tamara is an individual, a mother, a wife, a friend, a writer, a child carer and there are many more aspects to her than those. You are evidently an individual, a mother, a wife or partner and there are many more aspects to you than those. Nobody is a "nobody".

Tamara is not "negative". Tamara is a bereaved mother who grieves for her lost daughter and her other lost children every single day. That grief will never go away. Over time, it will no longer overwhelm her but it will always be there. It will be there on the day that Ariana should be starting school. It will be there on the day that Lucy gets married. It will be there whenever her surviving children meet milestones for the first time. And sometimes it will just be there, because something triggers it. She needs friends who understand that and who will be there to support her wheh she needs them.

It really, really upsets me to hear Tamara being called a "nobody". To me, she is and always will be one of the greatest "somebodies" I know, and so will ALL of her children. At this point, more of her children are in Heaven than on Earth. They were, and are, all "somebody". If anybody knows this is not "high school", it's Tamara King.

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous - your should be you're, seriously, that was hard to read! (ie You're the perfect mother...you're not.)

Maybe you should still be in high school.

From one anonymous to another..

Anonymous said...

And for the record I wasnt the one who wrote anything about someone killing someone, that is just low and wouldnt even cross my mind. Infact I have never written any anon. messages until the ones today...so you have some other anon. follower who really has psychological issues

Titanium said...

An open letter to Anony-mess:

At this point, it's jolly well impossible to tell one "Anonyhole" from another. I'd recommend that unless you are on the lam and the police have your mug shot posted on their most-wanted list that you take five minutes to create a simple profile (or three) so the rest of us can at least call you by a made-up name. It would be much simpler.

And the next other thing...

Dude. Your grammar really begs you to take it back to school. It's hard on the eyes, and I kid you not.

Take a break from your self-righteous, narcissistic logarithm of petty sniping and get a life. The only 'Nobody' I can smell in this forum is the one I like to call "She-Who-Rants-Without-A-Name".

That's a Nobody.

Tam, on the other hand? She is more than a Somebody. She is known, loved, treasured and valued. Her words, her life and her wisdom need no defense from the likes of you.

Sadly, this is not high school. If it were, I'd school you on some basic syntax, grammar, spelling, manners and respect. It would be throwing pearls before swine... but hey, I've got an unlimited supply.

Peter Stone said...

Hey There,
Have to agree with your comment that 'Children are the most precious beings on this planet.' And the environment in which they live for the first five years of their life will shape the rest of their future.

I saw the other Anonymous comment, I can't believe people can be that callous.

Note that if you change your 'Settings,' 'Comments' to 'Registered Users - includes OpenID', then you won't get anymore Anonymous comments.

God bless
Peter